今回はエッセイ的な雰囲気のブログ
小中高で部活をしてレギュラー、退部、3年間控えを経験した自分が部活動を通じて学んだこと
当時の思いを複数回に渡って綴っていく
今回は中学時代の「退部」から学んだことについて詳しく書いていく
今なんで部活やっているのだろう？
部活がしんどくてたまらない
そういった方がまた頑張ってみようと思えるきっかけになれば嬉しい
退部と退部未遂の話
中学時代
野球部だった自分は部活動を退部した
中学2年の秋の話だ
理由は腰のケガだ
原因が分からず4か月以上痛みが続いた
部活をしている時間よりも病院にいる時間の方が長い日々
日常生活すらままならない日々に耐えきることが出来なかった
しかし正式に退部する前、ケガをするもっと前に自分は部活を辞めようとしていた
ある夢との出会い
中学1年の時もケガの多い日々だった
野球肩、手首骨折、オスグッド
このケガを1年間ですべて経験した
まともに練習することが出来ず周囲との差は開くばかり
自分の実力もある程度分かった
ここより上の世界では通じない
そんな中で「鍼灸師」という仕事を見つけこの仕事を目指したいと思うようになった
自分がケガに苦しんできた
自分のように苦しむ人たちを救ってあげたい
そんな思いからだ
あとは不純ながらもプロ野球選手と関わってみたいなんて思いもあった
鍼灸師を目指し始めると同時に小学校時代からの夢であった
「プロ野球選手」の夢を諦めるという選択を下した
これが中学1年生の時の話
何のために部活をやっているのだろうか
中学2年に上がってすぐあることを考え始めた
学校の授業が終われば夜まで練習
家に帰ったらひたすらバットを振る
そして学校の宿題をこなす
休日は朝の8時からお昼過ぎ、試合がある日は夕方まで練習
もちろん勝負の世界
ミスは責められるし監督の目も厳しい
怒られることなんて普通だ
怒られずに終わる日なんてない
プロ野球選手を目指すわけでもない
甲子園を目指すわけでもない
高校でも野球を続けるわけでもない
なのになんでこんなことをやっているのだろう
休みの日は朝の9時くらいまで寝てゲームして家族とゆっくり過ごして夜遅くまで遊び倒す
平日は夕方4時過ぎには家に帰って宿題終わらせてそこからは自由な時間
そんな過ごし方だって選ぶことは出来た
そしてそれに憧れるようになってきた
どうせプロにならないから
野球は上の世界でやらないから
厳しいことに耐える理由なんてない
もっと自由気ままな日々を過ごしたい
「部活を辞めたい」
家族へ打ち明ける
別に野球を嫌いになったわけではなかった
野球は好きだったが自分があまりにも下手すぎて(実際にはそう思い込んでいただけ)
その環境が苦しかった
そしてプロ野球選手、甲子園という目標を捨てたがためにその環境に居続ける目的を見出すことが出来なくなった
そして家族に部活を辞めたいと告げた
母はすぐに受け入れてくれた
父もあっさりと受け入れてくれた
ちなみに父も中学まで野球をしていた
そして自分が小学生の時、父はコーチとして
同じユニフォームに袖を通していた
そんな父があっさりと受け入れた
そう思っていた
じゃあ最後にキャッチボールを一緒にしようと父が切り出した
ボールを投げることさえ怖くなっていた自分は全く思うようなところに投げられなかった
野球を辞めて正解だな
そう思いながら父との時間を過ごした
父の説得
キャッチボールが終わると父が話し始めた
「絶対に後悔するぞ」
父も中学時代野球が下手で
最後の大会もベンチ外だった
それでも最後は頑張って良かった
それは大人になった今でもそう
簡単に逃げてしまう人になるな
そんな話をしてくれた
気付いたら涙が止まらなかった
部活をやる本当の目的
もう1回頑張ろうと決意した
部活をやる本当の目的は人として素晴らしい存在になるためだ
厳しいことに耐える
上手くいかないことをたくさん経験する
その経験が自分を強くする
簡単に逃げるような人にはならない
信頼される人になる
そしてそれが大きな成功につながる
上手いとか下手とか
強いとか弱いとか
そんなことどうだっていい
もっと大切なことを学べる場所なのだ
不運にもこの決意から約1か月後に腰を痛めそのまま部活を辞めることになってしまったが
この時は全く後悔はなかった
父も潔く受け入れてくれた
あの時の経験は今大きな財産となっている
まとめ
今回はここまで
中学で部活を辞めた自分が高校になって再び部活をやった理由はまた次回
高校では3年間補欠でしたが多くの学びがありました
頑張って良かった心の底からそう思えました
下手だったし
チームも県大会の初戦で負けてばかりだったけど
それでもそう思えたわけです
なぜか
それをまた書いていきます
最後までお読みいただきありがとうございました
コメント
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